Authenticity is a word that has been overused, misused, and used as a tactic.
Yet, that doesn’t make it less important or discount the value of being truly authentic. I could (and will in other posts) discuss the impact of authenticity – and the lack of it – on business, relationships, health, and well-being. Right now, I want to talk about an aspect of authenticity that is often hidden, yet it’s something high achievers struggle with, something I’ve struggled with. It’s so well hidden that others rarely suspect it. In fact, high achievers are often unaware of it themselves.
The dance between speaking out and holding back may seem like a fine line, but it’s a powerful pattern that shapes everything we create. It needs to be addressed because it profoundly impacts our business, relationships, health, and sense of ourselves.
Last year it held me back.
Like many high achievers, outliers (even the name says it) we’ve been seen as outspoken, insistent on speaking our truth…even willing to burn bridges in the process.
I’ve surely been seen that way – even by people close to me. To a large extent, it’s true. And being able to speak up – to a point – seemed to contribute to my success, though at a cost I didn’t recognize then. As a kid, it was how I survived difficult childhood and teenage years, keeping them from being even harder. Looking back, I wish I’d known a better way.
This dance may seem useful… until it backfires. That’s what I see frequently in the high achievers I work with. They say a lot…and hold back a lot. While both men and women talk about this, it’s a bigger factor for women.
This doesn’t mean I’m advocating being an “a..hole” or speaking without concern or awareness for others’ feelings. But it does mean learning to speak your truth, BE, and act in alignment with who you are, what you believe, and your purpose. It means being aware but not being afraid of others’ opinions…or at least, if you are afraid, not letting that make you squelch who you are.
While often accused of “having a big mouth” since childhood, like many high achievers, I’ve held back on owning and saying some important things.
This year, my own dance played out in a crucial way. Despite my extensive research, experience with women’s health in my practice, and my own journey with breast cancer, I held back on sharing information and my perspective on breast cancer. While therapists traditionally maintain neutral positions to help clients make their own decisions, I realized my silence went beyond professional boundaries – it was self-censoring. I was muting an important truth.
This made it harder to connect with the people who would most resonate with this information and use it to navigate their healing journey, live more fully, and even save their lives and the lives of those they love.
This self-censoring surprised me – an outlier who had long pioneered non-conventional approaches to mind-body health, peak performance, and success.
I see this frequently — high achievers, trailblazers caught in a powerful paradox: speaking out boldly while still muzzling vital truths.”. Partly because they fear the consequences (and have lived them), and partly because they never learned how to speak their truth while remaining accepting of others’ perspectives.
This kind of self-muzzling is a hidden form of inauthenticity that few recognize. It’s not about telling lies – it’s about masking parts of ourselves, hiding vital truths we need to speak, wisdom we hold back, impact we don’t create.
The price is high, affecting business, health, relationships, and the core of who you are and what you’re here to do.”
I’ve long been committed to helping people step into their true power and live in greater alignment with their purpose. Powerfully speaking their truth from a place of love, discernment, respect, and connection is a key piece of that. I’ll be extra aware of that in myself, and help my clients do that as well.
I’d love to hear your story about a truth you’ve held back. What’s calling to be expressed?
If this resonates and you’re feeling called to explore your own dance with authentic expression, message me, and let’s talk about what’s possible.
