I want to share some insights about a hidden struggle that many high achievers face, one that I’ve personally grappled with throughout my life. It’s a topic that is rarely discussed at its deepest level; it’s incredibly vulnerable and lies at the core of our being. It profoundly impacts every aspect of our lives. By starting this conversation, we can support each other in navigating these challenges and stepping into our full potential.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve appeared to embody these qualities in abundance. A disruptor, a rebel (much to my mother’s dismay), I spoke out with unpopular opinions, questioned accepted “truths,” and blazed unconventional, often controversial, trails. Few would have guessed that agency, sovereignty, and self-authority were complex, ongoing struggles for me, as they are for many high achievers.

Let me define these terms as I’m using them:

Agency is the capacity to take meaningful, self-directed action rather than being driven by external forces or conditioned responses. It’s about being the author of your own story.

Sovereignty is the ability to lead oneself fully, acting from alignment, integrity, and discernment. It’s about being the ruler of your own domain.

Self-authority is a deep trust in oneself and the ability to act accordingly. It’s about being the final arbiter of your own truth.

While high achievers often appear to have mastered these, the reality is far more nuanced. These struggles are intricately tied to a powerful, but rarely discussed openly: self-love.

The Hidden Struggle

High achievers value independence and self-determination, but also crave connection, understanding, and deep relationships. Everyone wants to be seen, heard, loved, and “gotten,” but this struggle is unique for high achievers.

From an early age, they’ve felt different. Misunderstood. Squelched. One client, a highly successful entrepreneur, told me:

“I remember being in elementary school, having all these big ideas — only to be shut down. My teachers – and my family – called me a dreamer, and they didn’t mean it as a good thing.“

I’ve heard many variations of this story from the high achievers I’ve worked with. And common to most is an enduring drive and fierce determination, coexisting with equally deep-seated feelings of self-doubt and a sense that they were fundamentally lacking.

The remnants of these experiences don’t just disappear with success. They shape our relationships, health, business, and well-being. Highly successful people often struggle with feeling they aren’t good enough, compare themselves to others who seem more successful, wait to be exposed as a fraud, or live with the fear they will ultimately fail. It’s one of the paradoxes they wrestle with – they know they are successful, and often feel that way…and also feel they are not. This internal conflict leads to the difficulties we see throughout the business and personal lives of high achievers.

Thinking about this—both in my own life and with my clients—helped me understand even more deeply why my favorite compliment is:

“You get me like no one else does.“

How This Manifests

How do agency, sovereignty, and self-authority show up when they’re compromised?

Through self-doubt, lack of self-trust, uncertainty, and the one that seldom gets named: lack of self-love. Even imposter syndrome—often oversimplified—is tied to struggles with agency and authority.

Studies show that entrepreneurs and CEOs are more likely to experience depression and anxiety than the general population. These struggles impact not only their leadership and decision-making but every aspect of their personal and professional lives.

The ripple effects touch every area of life:

  • Health problems
  • Business challenges
  • Relationship issues
  • Depression and anxiety
  • Self-sabotage
  • Emotional issues

The Root of the Matter

These struggles are particularly insidious because they often lie hidden behind a veneer of success. From the outside, high achievers appear to be thriving, their accomplishments masking the inner turmoil. This can make it even harder for them to acknowledge and address these issues, both to themselves and others.

Moreover, it’s all too easy to get caught up in addressing the presenting problems – business challenges, relationship issues, or health concerns – without digging deeper into the root of the matter. While it’s important to tackle these surface-level issues, true resolution requires getting to the underlying factors at play.

Often, these presenting problems are manifestations of a deeper struggle with agency, self-worth, and self-love. A lack of self-authority can manifest as difficulty making decisions or setting boundaries in relationships. Low self-worth can drive overwork and burnout in an attempt to prove oneself. A deficit of self-love can lead to neglecting one’s own needs and well-being.

Failing to address these fundamental issues can lead to a game of whack-a-mole, where problems keep popping up in different areas of life, never fully resolved. It’s like pruning the leaves of a tree without examining the health of the roots.

This isn’t to say we shouldn’t address the presenting issues. Rather, it’s about recognizing that sustainable, long-term resolution requires a multi-pronged approach: addressing the immediate challenges while also doing the deeper work of cultivating agency, self-worth, and self-love.

By bringing awareness to these underlying factors, we can start to break the cycle of struggle and create more profound, lasting change. It’s about learning to lead ourselves with the same level of commitment and care that we bring to our external pursuits. Only then can we truly thrive in all areas of life.

A Stark Reminder

I’ve often spoken about true power, the effects of disconnection, and the struggles entrepreneurs face when they aren’t heard or taken seriously. Recently, I was confronted with these issues in a very real way.

In January, I injured my pelvis and elbow. I also had a major medicine-induced issue (which I can’t discuss yet) and underwent another surgery. It was a tough period—physically and emotionally—one that brought me to deep reflection.

The experience exposed the deep cracks in our medical system—for both patients and healthcare professionals. But what stood out most was the challenge to my agency…a topic I’ll share more about.

Doctors. Nurses. Hospital staff. Many didn’t listen to me. They ignored or dismissed what I was saying. Gaslighted me. Tried to manipulate me. This made an already difficult situation even more physically and emotionally painful, and more dangerous—it could have cost me my life.

Yet, some people did listen and pay attention. I stuck to my intuition, insisting that more was going on. A friend shared her sense as well that something was off and urged me to see a doctor she worked with. A doctor who looked and cared…they both may well have saved my life. They no doubt saved the quality of my life.

The Bigger Picture

Many pieces of my health puzzle—ones I’ve been working on for years—are falling into place. I now have a clearer path forward, not just for my health, but for a deeper understanding of my work, my purpose, and something even bigger than me.

This journey of understanding and addressing the hidden struggles of high achievers isn’t just about personal well-being, as crucial as that is. It’s also about unlocking our full potential to make a difference in the world. When we’re trapped in cycles of self-doubt, when our sense of agency is compromised, when we’re not fully embodying our sovereignty and self-authority, we’re limiting not only our own happiness and success but our capacity to create positive change.

Imagine the impact we could have if more high achievers were able to fully step into their power, to lead from a place of wholeness and self-love. Imagine the ripple effects on our businesses, our communities, our world. That’s the bigger picture I’m holding.

This is an ongoing conversation, and I’d love to hear from you.

Have you struggled with agency, sovereignty, or self-authority as a high achiever? How has it shaped your life and work?

Conclusion

Exploring the hidden struggles of high achievers—the challenges of agency, sovereignty, and self-authority—is a critical step in our personal and professional growth. By bringing these issues to light and supporting each other in addressing them, we can unlock our full potential and make a meaningful difference in the world. Let’s continue this conversation and work together to create a future where high achievers can thrive in all aspects of their lives.