Over our lifetimes, we make a multitude of changes and deal with an endless series of issues — some large, others small, some deep, others trivial. Among all the issues there are a few especially potent ones that make us feel overwhelmed, anxious, crazy, depressed, angry, in a cascade of unpleasant emotions. As a result, we may get headaches, neck or back pain. We may feel general malaise or even develop serious, debilitating illness.
At times, the decisions and changes that need to be made are so overwhelming we become “stuck” — we find ourselves in a mental-emotional-energetic state in which we are unable to make a choice or a change. Such ruts postpone our movement into another direction. These frustrating, seemingly “stuck” places, actually contain great power to clearly move from our old realities, and can unlock the seeds of growth into a new, wiser, happier being. These experiences and their resolutions are opportunities to consciously re-define who we are and how we experience life.
Turmoil and Reflection
Dana was invited to a large family party. Even when she thought about going, she felt upset and nauseous. The impending celebration brought up aspects of her life that she didn’t feel good about, such as her weight gain, divorced status, and dealing with family members who feel that they are more successful than she is.
Tony was feeling awful. It seemed that the more he grew in his life, the more tortured he felt. He experienced change as beyond his control — changing or not changing seemed to be determined by forces outside him. He feared that if he changed his old self, he would become unrecognizable. In fact, he felt he could disappear completely.
Both Dana and Tony are struggling with deep questions about who they are, their relationships with others, and the many inner voices that pull in several directions.
Their discomfort speaks of their lack of alignment: they have lost a strong sense of their center, and are struggling with very old notions about who they are, and the nature of Life itself.
“Am I the person that I have long believed I am? Or, am I really the person that my family defines as me?”
“Am I OK with knowing who I am, knowing that others see me in another way?”
“Am I willing let the old me go? Should I make the changes that will produce the person I want to be?”
“Am I willing to allow the space that will lead me to new areas of self discovery?”
“Can I be happy even if things aren’t the way I want them? And, if they are not they way I want them, how do I make things turn out right?”
Opportunities for Transformation
These opportunities for transformation bring about feelings of sentiment, sadness, loss, and physical symptoms if we hold on for dear life to our old responses and ways of being. This is the point when we often suffer the most. In fact, these feelings and symptoms may follow major emotional or spiritual growth. We think we have come a long way and then bam! — it seems like we’ve been thrown backwards.
What to do …
- The primary thing is not to judge your “stuckness.” Judging your current position will only strengthen the fear of taking action, as well as adding more energy to negative feelings and old patterns.Try taking out for test-drives, the different ways that you can relate to stuckness, and see where each will get you.First: think about being stuck. Think about how awful it is that you are in this situation. How do you feel? How well can you function from a place of that feeling?Now, look at your stuckness from a different angle. Consider that this stuckness, is a sign that you are about to make a change for the better. Have an attitude of openness, curiosity, receptivity, and patience. How does this feel? How well can you function when you feel like this? For most of us, this point of view produces feelings and energetic vibrations that helps us move out of our stuck place.
- Use principles and tools that support change. Some energetic techniques are amazingly simple and effective. For instance: think about a line going vertically down the middle of your body. When doing so, it is difficult, if not impossible, to feel stuck. Or: think about something that makes you smile: your dog or cat, playing frisbee on the beach, music … just think of something that you truly enjoy that gives you a light, happy heart. Don’t try to force yourself to stay in that thought, but while you are there, how do you feel? By lifting your vibrations to higher levels, you are at a better place to have changes go more smoothly. If you find that you are too stuck to even think of something that makes you smile, then try a smaller shift to the next feelings up the vibrational scale. Try thinking about something that makes you feel better than you do now. Any vibrational lift upwards, will be helpful as you make a change.
- Look at the issues underlying your pain from multiple perspectives. Don’t limit yourself to your everyday story — the one you identify with as who you are — but learn to examine the deeper patterns. What psychological, energetic, and spiritual patterns have contributed to your current state? Have you inherited any issues from your ancestors that may be affecting you? Are you resonating with others who are stuck in similar situations? Or are you suffering from fear or past trauma? When we do this, we usually find that the underlying issues are different from the ones we have been focusing on.
- Look at your relationship to Source. Where do you focus in your life? Where do you look for meaning? Look honestly at yourself and see if you are out of alignment with Source. Ask Source, God, Creator of All That Is, in any way you define it, to guide you. You can use prayer, meditation, dialog, or any process you know to facilitate this. Sometimes, just living and being willing to be in the question — the not-knowing itself — will allow the answers to come.
- Accept both the new and old parts of you — again, without judgment. This will set the stage for a new sense of self to emerge.
- Adopt an attitude of acceptance. Do you want to kick and scream about what is? Or, do you want to approach life in a way that brings love, wisdom and fulfillment? It’s your decision about who you want to be, and the attitude you have about changes, and life.
Embracing where you are
Now is the time to be where you are, in fact, to appreciate who you are — right now! — and where you are going. It’s time to connect with Source and explore where you want to focus the energy of your life.
What if you could develop the skill of feeling neutral? What value is there in that skill? Instead of labeling a situation as stuck, define it simply as this is, what is — this is simply where you’re at, for the moment. That’s acceptance. It does not mean that you’ll be there for long; it simply means that you’re looking at the plain facts of the matter. Such neutrality carries no baggage that could hold you back. It’s actually a resting point of calmness and power, that enables you to take the next step.
When coming face to face with a potent period of change, first find the inner space of calm acceptance. Rest there and collect yourself. Though you may not know what the future will bring, and the resolution to a situation has not yet arrived … you’ve now created the space where you can reach into, and embrace your Inner Being, and Source. Then watch as the whole experience changes — both the pain and the stuckness, come and go, as they should.
The opportunities of who we are and who we want to be will come into greater clarity. You now find yourself ready to move to the next step in your life.